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Mental Illness

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Smoke14TS

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:15 am

Mental Illness

First off if this is an inappropriate topic, get rid of it.

Anybody else have a mental illness of some sort? Figured this could be a support post kind of amongst people who do, and since I'm in dire need of some support at this time, I'll start us off.

I've got depression, bi-polar disorder, and social anxiety disorder, which is a pretty bad combination to begin with. It made my life miserable through school, since I struggled with work and was a ripe target for bullying. Finally caused me to withdraw from talking to people and just become reclusive, which I have remained to this day. Makes it painful to go places with a lot of people because I'm so anxious and because anytime somebody says something to me, I feel like they're being mean to me or hate my guts. That's what SAD does.

This week, my depression is on overdrive. Some of y'all may remember my past talk of a fiancee and all that garbage. Well, it was a long-distance deal but she came to visit me for five days last July 3. It was the five-best days of my life. Of course, if y'all recall in November I had a plan to off myself but I reached out a few places for help and prayers, including here. I had done a little bit better since she dropped me, but as this July 3 has neared it has gotten worse and worse and now I feel like I'm at rock bottom with the worst somehow yet to come. A year ago, I felt like I was on top of the world, like I had my life all planned out, was just going to be a matter of getting her to Georgia for good. This year, I feel like I'm absolutely nothing. Thanks to my mental illnesses that was my first in-person one-on-one encounter with a gal. First hug, first kiss, first time holding hands all that. Feels like the last time was all the day she left, cause it's like nobody else could love this. Coming up on that anniversary and thinking of all the things we did those five days and all the smiles and all the laughter and realizing that now I'm alone and she hates me.

Thing is, sometimes I think and I get to the point where I'm like "I could be a good person not just for one particular gal but for a lot of people, people who would be glad to call me friend. All I've got to do is stand up and be strong, learn to drive, get a job, voila." Trouble is, I can't just "stand up." Unless you have depression or SAD, it won't make any sense, but it is actually easier to feel like you're lying in a hole, wallowing in the dirt all by yourself, than it is to stand up and be strong. That hole feels like a safe haven. Being "strong" is trading the known for the unknown, and without a shred of self-confidence, I can't make that leap.

So here I sit, contemplating getting my pill bottle out of my parent's bedroom where I told them to hide it and taking the week's worth of pills still left on this refill. I know I won't, I'm too afraid of going to #### for killing myself, but I feel like, after thinking I'd made so much progress before, that I've made none at all and I'm still at square one.
"This one's for every one of those fans in the stands that pull for me every week and take all the bull**** from everybody else." - Tony Stewart, July 29, 2007

"My fans have more balls." - Tony Stewart on Jeff Gordon's fans.
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michaeljohn

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:07 am

Re: Mental Illness

keep the faith aaron, you can shake this problem.....
I will miss you Frehley........
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midwesternsmoke

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:22 am

Re: Mental Illness

I can totally understand where you're coming from. My better half deals with the same issues except for the bi-polar. It has taken us about 7 yrs and an array of Drs, therapists, "specialists" and any other "ists" you can come up with. My take on things would be to seek a second, even a third & fourth opinion. We've tried numerous batteries of medications in various dosages and seem to have finally gotten a pretty strong handle on it for the most part.
Unless you've experienced the Unconditional Love and Loyalty of a good dog, you have yet to live.
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trishietrish

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:47 am

Re: Mental Illness

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onerockindoc

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:28 pm

Re: Mental Illness

Aaron, you are very brave for sharing this with all of us. Continue to look forward and reach out for help.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement
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smokieonefour

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:36 pm

Re: Mental Illness

onerockindoc wrote:Aaron, you are very brave for sharing this with all of us. Continue to look forward and reach out for help.


I agree with ^^^^^^

We're all here for you Aaron, but you need to be talking with professionals right now. Hope you make that call buddy.... :-)
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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longtimetonyfan

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:51 pm

Re: Mental Illness

Aaron I agree with MW.....you might just need a second opinion. Depression can be devastating, but the right meds can do wonders. I know this time of year brings back a lot of bad memories, but it sounds like your meds aren't doing the job they should.
Don't be embarrassed to tell your parents how you feel, and that you think you need some help. I'm sure they just want the best for you.
Hang in there Buddy.....you got through this before and you'll do it again. Sending hugs and prayers your way!
remember to enjoy life.....none of us are going to get out alive anyway
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justlisa

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:11 pm

Re: Mental Illness

Aaron I have told I have gone through a lot of this with someone very close to me. You need to take pride in the small steps you make. Maybe a "group therapy" could help some and also help with being around other people. It would also help to see you are not alone in what you are feeling. The year anniversary of course would be tremendously hard for you, it was when you felt the happiest. Its hard for a lot of people to open up, sometimes we show what we want to most , but its very hard to show whats really inside. Every heartache in our lives molds us into who we are. A second opinion and a look at your meds by another Dr could help, its not easy trying to find the right meds to work for you sometimes. Just try and have faith in any and all strides that you make, I wish I could be there for you I know how hard this can be. I have you always in my prayers and close to my heart. I will be around all weekend if you need a ear, God bless Lisa
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Smoke14TS

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 3:31 pm

Re: Mental Illness

Should have included the part where I have a therapist I'll see July 7th. I knew I forgot something. Haha.

THis thread ain't just about me, but I appreciate the supportive thoughts.
"This one's for every one of those fans in the stands that pull for me every week and take all the bull**** from everybody else." - Tony Stewart, July 29, 2007

"My fans have more balls." - Tony Stewart on Jeff Gordon's fans.
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jamo14

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Post Thu Jun 30, 2011 11:56 pm

Re: Mental Illness

the mind's power over the body is an incredible thing.

I know you had written where you were saved last year (or the year before). The Church is a great place to lean on. There are many programs there that can help you, and grow your faith (and it never stops growing). There is more to a Church than just going there to worship.
They do prison ministry work, help the homeless, help the inner city kids.....sometimes doing something like that is therapy for a soul & mind, even if only a couple times a year. Sometimes the mind is longing for something to do that could create a sense of personal satisfaction, that it actually triggers a sense of sadness.
For some, it is like a mathematical equation....an idle mind = sadness :arrow: therefore put the mind in motion and accomplish something........or an empty heart = sadness :arrow: therefore use the mind to help someone else smile, which in turn makes the heart less empty.

no I am not a psychiatrist, but I've been around a lot of folks who have succeeded in fighting depression by using these ideas as part of their regimen.

there are many tools, lots of trial & error to see which ones work, but it takes at least 1 step forward by the individual to set things in motion.

Hope this helps some folks out there.
Do something with your life and go get me a beer.

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michaeljohn

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Post Sat Jul 02, 2011 11:27 am

Re: Mental Illness

some of the things that helped me, i bought through tv, tony robbins and the midwest center for anxiety and depression, they cost a pretty penny, but are worth it, it helped me in my battle of anxiety and the short time of depression, i still get bouts of anxiety, but that is never going to leave me.
I will miss you Frehley........
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smokieonefour

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Post Sat Jul 02, 2011 1:03 pm

Re: Mental Illness

Some of the things that helped me, was Paxil and a natural, anti-anxiety re-set button.

First, for the Paxil - when I separated from my ex, he stalked me, tried to kill me and made my life miserable. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was causing anxiety to grow inside me. Now all of a sudden, I was worried - "Did I turn off my curling iron?" - - - Did I lock my front door? - - - Is this car safe? - - - Will an earthquake hit today? - - - Just all kinds of crazy "worries" that I never had before. So my Dr prescribed Paxil, for anxiety. It took about 2 to 3 months to fully get used to it and I had a whole host of physical symptoms from the drug, that eventually went away, due to adjusting. Once I found my right amount, Paxil has changed my life for the better. I do understand however, that not all drugs will work the same on everybody ... I'm just stating my experience. I still take it, to this day.

I've mentioned this to several people who have tried it and found it works for them. You stick your tongue at the roof of your mouth, where your 2 front teeth meet the roof..... and hold.... and breathe. If you try this when you are not stressed, you will find it easy to breathe. Try it when you're stressed and it becomes a little more difficult, at first... just to show you, that you need to re-set your "fight or flight" button. Keep the tip of your tongue there, pressing, until you feel you no longer need to. You will know.

Anyway, my point in sharing this info is to let people know - you CAN take some steps to help yourself. Be it medication, will power or any type of aid... find what works. Try not to give up and let it take you over... fight it in any way you can. :-)
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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michaeljohn

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Post Fri Jul 15, 2011 3:55 pm

Re: Mental Illness

here is one for ya aaron, this week, i needed to get my drivers license renewed, i had to go twice, because the first day i had an anxiety attack, needless to say i was bummed, but when back the next day and i was fine, when this happens ya chalk it up to "one of those days." everyone has them now and then, and it isnt a failure if u have the panic attack, or anxiety, i think i got all worked up, cuz the DMV gets so crowded and most people are #### cuz they have to wait, so they walk around like caged animals, so i was feeling claustrophobic and that worked me up to an anxiety attack............
I will miss you Frehley........
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Smokeshow14

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Post Fri Jul 15, 2011 5:52 pm

Re: Mental Illness

I've dealt with depression but lately I really havent been to depressed. You just gotta keep yourself busy and surrounded by good friends life doesn't feel half bad.

Not really a mental illness but I feel like my boss about to drive to depression again. He is such a bully and a jerk. I really want to quit but it is the only job I've ever had (been there since december of 2010) and it is hard to find another job.
Cup: 14, 1, 29, 88, 99, 11, 17, 39, 15, 5, 2, 16
NW: 7, 31, 3, 11, 60, 88, 12
Trucks: 9, 88, 3, 7, 17, 31
IRL: 10, 11, 12, 26, 3, 38, 27
RIP Dan Wheldon
"Fight for Four"- Annalee
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michaeljohn

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Post Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:08 pm

Re: Mental Illness

people laff when i say this, but the best job i had while in college was working at WMART, it was a blast and the pay was good
I will miss you Frehley........
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