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The Tattler - Daytona '14

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justlisa

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Post Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:33 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

smokieonefour wrote:Well Race Fans ... I "think" we're back. Not really sure tho. NASCAR tried real HARD to run us off ... and we had to go deep off the grid, in order to continue to bring you SHR fans - the REAL racing news! - but we're back for now. Herbs is still off the grid... but I hope the little beer & doobie trail I left for him works...cross your fingers folks! I introduce to you Smoke14TS and a new mystery writer, as new inmates...er, um, uh .... I mean reporters ...
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Well Race Fans, we waited and waited ... and got a race, almost as long as the wait!
Officially 10 hours and 20 minutes. Dang, that was a long one!

Apparently there is NO truth to the rumor, that NASCAR calling it a " 5 " hour delay, is tied into any "5 Hour Energy Drink" promotion.

Squashing more rumors, Mel tells us, in chat, that Kasey Kahne got another speeding ticket in the 2nd big crash.... WTH? < Not true .... ;-)

"Austin Dillon - NASCAR's newest Human Pin Ball!"
"Son, I'm gonna need you to bring in some excitement & ratings ... so don't worry about the car, I got that covered ... you just go out there and do that voo doo, that you do, so well."

I'm sure if Herbie was here, he would have something to say about Kyle going over the Start / Finish Line backwards... just like big brother... but alas... I leave that open for Herbs... if he can hear me out there... Herbs! Report back! LOL

Sorry Tony, about your 'fuel cell pick up' problem... never thought I'd hear you & "pick up a problem" in the same sentence ... but hey, that's NASCAR for ya. ;-)

Gotta give My Girl props for 2 laps lead and taking one bad hit...
Seems PETTY, I know... but right the F on, anyway :-)


... And fresh off of suicide watch after ANOTHER Tony Stewart Daytona 500 loss ... here is Smoke14TS with his top-10 headlines from the Daytona 500 ........
----------------------------------------------

Who said anything about being off? **twirls noose** But I digress -


Bowyer's engine, recalling Thursday's spill, sees wild racing and declares "Oh #### no"

Some fans, Stewart's fuel system, leave Daytona early

Dillon emerges from 31 hauler with cowboy hat shoved down throat after wreck with Newman

Waltrip declares Danica wreck worst ever, the rattles off 15 of his own that top it

Ryan Truex seen giving older brother Martin the "neener-neener" look after contender's engine expires early

Earnhardt wins Daytona 500, double-wides turned over and set ablaze in celebration

"I was riding along and my bacon got cooked:" Almirola innocent victim in Daytona 500 melee

Fan using left-over bass boat from Darrell Gwynn event finishes 15th in Daytona 500

After finishing second without aid of radio, Hamlin fires spotter, hires self.

Edwards swarmed after race by drivers looking for Aflac policies following rookies' issues in Speedweeks

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And now a few words from our Mystery Writer....

Thanks Smokie! Just wanted to let you folks know my piece is being sponsored by Bare Werks -

"We go where we want to go - even to first place "


Lap 2 Kyle Larson experiences his first success from the advise of Juan Pablo Montoya.

Lap 3 The Dillon Prince crosses the finish line watching the fans holding up 3 Fingers, and thinks they are telling him he is in THIRD Place.

Truex blows a motor, he wonders if his Crew Chief listened to Michael Waltrips guidance about running Jet Fuel in his intake manifold.

Smoke gets tanked, then gets a tank.

Race is all but over and Danica gets punted, and nails the wall hard. Then in a stroke of brilliance, she nails the 43 (Almirola) straight to the Nose…. Take that…!!! King Richard.. ;-D

Dillon, still running, hears PawPaw’s voice in his head and takes out his teammate, Ryan Newman.

When Dillon returns to the pits he is informed that he has not yet taken out either the starters stand or the Pace Car…. Dillon’s new nickname is Pinball Boy.

And just when you think you’ve seen it all…. Junior picks up debris during a caution.
The Junior fans are now committing Hari Kari in the stands……

Junior played his cards rather well, and won this one.
Congratulations to Dale Earnhardt Junior…. Well played Jr.

Back in the pits, Dillon is still driving around looking for the Pace Car….

Still in the pits, Michael Waltrip is searching around asking everybody he sees, if they have seen fiddy cent….
Seems he is determined to get his kiss, come He11 or highwater.

----

Be Good!
But if you can't, be careful ...or just really good at being bad ;-)






Now this is a friendly face to see ......
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herbie14

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Post Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:42 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

jsw14 wrote::D The Tattler is allways TOPS in my book :D Great work guy's 8-) 8-) :lol:
Image

j knocks on Herbs front door.........Hmmm, nobody home :roll: j leaves a case of Schiltz at Herbs front door.....maybe this will wake him up :lol: :lol: :lol:


*staggers out the front door with an empty Schlitz can and a blow-up Danica doll.*
" I've got a cooler full of Schlitz and I'm not gonna stop drinkin till I get to the bottom." - Tony Stewart

Herbie
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awsum14

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Post Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:48 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

herbie14 wrote:
jsw14 wrote::D The Tattler is allways TOPS in my book :D Great work guy's 8-) 8-) :lol:
Image

j knocks on Herbs front door.........Hmmm, nobody home :roll: j leaves a case of Schiltz at Herbs front door.....maybe this will wake him up :lol: :lol: :lol:


*staggers out the front door with an empty Schlitz can and a blow-up Danica doll.*

Good to see your still with us Herbie, even if your alittle under the weather :D
If at first you don't succeed, don't give up
Try Harder
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azk8ster

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 2:16 am

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

If I could dance without either A) breaking one or both of my left feet, or B) setting off the Richter scale in my immediate area, I would be dancing my fool arse off, THE TATTLER IS BACK!

Can't wait for the next one! nThank you Smokie, Aaron and Mister E (get it? Mister E? MYSTERY?) for giving me a little something to look forward to!
"Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to"
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midwesternsmoke

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:14 am

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

Niiiiiiiice to see this ol' rag is still floatin' around in the back alleys and maybe even a few front alleys. I'm kinda strapped for time these daze Smokie buuuuuut, maybe over the course of the season I can give some drunken infield advice and share a few pix and (if they're presentable to the public, a few stories) I DO miss the weekly "GOOF FEST", Just a shame that my time to contribute has become very limited.
Unless you've experienced the Unconditional Love and Loyalty of a good dog, you have yet to live.
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tlmerk

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:24 am

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

Hey the old gang is emerging from the woodwork or the track or the dark places of the night where no one ventures except those too inebriated to care or too stupid to give a hoot... see why I don't write for the Tattler? But am proud we have some funneee NASCAR fans on this site.

Nice to see some familiar "faces" again. Glad the Tattler is back! Herbie... pass the brownies! :D
Where there's Smoke, there's fire!
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BlackFlag

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 12:43 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

The Tattler is hilarious! Thanks to whoever submitted all the jokes.

Keep it up!
My least favorite band in the history of music is called: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
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muskrat

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 2:27 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

so glad this back
I would rather be hated for who I am than Loved for what I ain't
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smokieonefour

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:32 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

herbie14 wrote:
*staggers out the front door with an empty Schlitz can and a blow-up Danica doll.*


Um Herbs? That's NOT a Danica doll... that's a brunette blow up doll that someone "El Mark-O'ed" up ... ;-) Who's got the El Mark-O's now? ;-)
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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smokieonefour

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:33 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

azk8ster wrote:If I could dance without either A) breaking one or both of my left feet, or B) setting off the Richter scale in my immediate area, I would be dancing my fool arse off, THE TATTLER IS BACK!

Can't wait for the next one! nThank you Smokie, Aaron and Mister E (get it? Mister E? MYSTERY?) for giving me a little something to look forward to!



Azk8ster - So cute & funny! Yes new name .... Mr E. :-)

I like it :-)
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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smokieonefour

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:36 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

Thank you everyone :-)

Looks like Herbs & MW will be back on a limited basis ... as their time allows... :-D

Who's happy about that? :-) MW-isms from the dark side and Herbie Awards!!! :-)


p.s. If you don't feed MW & Herbs applause... they may go elsewhere ... just sayin' ;-)
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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jsw14

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Post Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:29 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

DANG, I didn't know how Powerfull a Case of Schlitz was tell I put it at Herbie's front door. :D Take ur time guys & post um in the Tattler whenever U can. Herbie, check the tag on ur Danica Doll, I have seen them at the second-hand store for $10.00 (made in China) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
BS & Brilliance only come with Age & Experience!!
Image "Fight For Four" - Annalee, March 27, 2012
Image "STAND UP FOR TONY & SHR"
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smokieonefour

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Post Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:15 pm

Re: The Tattler - Daytona '14

jsw14 wrote:Herbie, check the tag on ur Danica Doll, I have seen them at the second-hand store for $10.00 (made in China) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


This made ME laugh! :-) Thanks J! :-)
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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