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Re: Fellowship Thread

Mon Apr 25, 2011 11:11 am

I went to facbook and read your story. It was an inspiration to those lost. No one ever told us life would be easy and it isn't about the train station it's the ride. You've been extremely hard on yourself and thankfully you've discovered there are flowers out there to appreciate. As for the girl slipping away Aaron it's a loss but not entirely yours. The girl has no idea what what she left. For one thing you'll never fully forget her but she'll get lost by the one that comes along and appreciates you. If that is your picture on the Facebook page I'm surprised you haven't had to fight the girls off with a stick. Keep up the faith and do take advantage of it. There are jobs to get, girls to meet, cars to drive, stories to write and just start enjoying a life that is entirely yours. You have time for beautiful years ahead. You have wonderfull talents so don't waste time brooding about something you have no control over. Good luck to you.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:31 pm

I appreciate the comments to me, but this thread wasn't meant to be about me, it was supposed to be about all of us. I just posted my testimonial as a starting point.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:16 pm

i know for me the catholic religion has been a touchy one, i grew up going to catholic school, and it was a strange experiance, the nuns and the preists would physically beat ya, if they felt you were out of line, i once got beaten because a preist shook my hand and he squeezed really hard and i said " ouch " i was only in the 2nd grade,

As i got older i discovered the readings of Meher Baba, he was a Avatar( god himself), high preist from india, in his writings he just spoke of love, peace and which way it was easier for people to grasp, Baba just wanted people to find the peace and sollitude in worshiping god, and it didnt matter which god you worshiped.

his writings help me find the peice of mind i have been searching for. it has helped some in all the operations i had since 94, one time i was so sick, i could not be put under for my operation for it would have killed me, mentally it left a lot of scars, and that is where Baba helps me, he helps me fight those demons, so i can have some peace in my life.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:27 pm

I'm not on facebook Aaron, so I can't read your testimony. But thanks for sharing and putting it out there for others to read. I'm sure you've helped more people than you realize just by posting your story. Thanks :!: :)

Re: Fellowship Thread

Tue Apr 26, 2011 9:42 pm

Aaron, I still can't access your facebook link. It just comes back to my own facebook. Could you try adding me as a friend on your facebook? Maybe that would work or give me your facebook name as this link just brings me back to my own homepage??
Last edited by tlmerk on Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:01 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Tue Apr 26, 2011 11:55 pm

I love this post. I'm so glad you started it Aaron. Keep up the faith. There are many stories in the Bible that deal with hard times and situations. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers but in the end thats where God needed him to be and he ended up being a counsel the king. You just never know why sometimes.

I'm happy you are in a better place. You have a lot of friends here!!

Re: Fellowship Thread

Thu Apr 28, 2011 7:20 pm

I'll just post it here. Like I said, though, this ain't about me, it's about all of us coming together in fellowship.

The note was titled "Living Proof of God's Goodness - Literally"

It's true. I'm not just proof, I'm living proof.

How does that work, you might ask?

Its simple: if not for God's goodness, I wouldn't be alive. I would have committed suicide on Tuesday, November 16, 2010, by overdosing on the Prozac I'd been prescribed a few days earlier.

What stopped me? A fear of ####. Sure, I was in emotional agony and as such I hurt physically, but spending eternity in flames wasn't a better option.

So I kept living, but I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was so lonesome, having been dumped by the first and only girl to ever make me feel like I was her everything. That caused me to look at myself as nothing more than a failure, a 24-year-old with no job and unable to even drive a car, an unlovable person destined to live a sad, lonely life, somebody with too many issues to be worth anything.

Nearly three months have passed, and what has changed? Much.

For the first time in my life, I'm happy to be me because of me. There had been times in the past when I was happy to be me, but it was because of something else, or someone else, like the girl mentioned above or because my racing hero Tony Stewart had done well in several races in a row or something. But it was never because of me.

Well, the issue of not having a job or being able to drive a car remain. I'm still lonesome and think about her every day and wish every day that out of the blue I'd get a text message or email from her wanting to hook back up.

But at the heart of the matter, my own heart, with all the accessories of life removed and all the layers peeled away, I'm happy to be me and pleased with who I am as an individual. I'm an honest, caring person with a tremendous amount of God-given creativity and a tremendous desire to use that to make people smile. I have a childlike enthusiasm for the simple things in life, like a beautiful sunset or a blanket of snow with a layer of ice on top of it shimmering in the sunlight like glitter. I'm quick with the wit and an pretty funny guy too, if I do say so myself.

Less than three months ago, I never would have looked at myself like this. I never would have thought I was worth anything. I wondered how in the world I was going to even keep living with as bad a grip the heartache I was feeling had on me. It was constant. I prayed, not for help in my life, but for death without further delay.

Thats where God's goodness started to come in. My dear friend Suzy sent me a Bible as a Birthday/Christmas present (my b-day is December 5). I hadn't started reading in it, I had been praying for enlightment and stuff, but I wasn't sure where to start reading. Even so, I felt like my relationship with God and Jesus was getting better because I simply had no choice but for it to get better. That was my only hope. Finally, on a whim I watched Dr. Charles Stanley with my mom one Sunday morning in January, and he mentioned reading the Bible. He said, and I'm quoting to the best of my memory, "If you're not sure where to start, start with Proverbs."

Later that day, after a bit of a family falling out here on Facebook, I went to my room and grabbed my Bible and found Proverbs. As I read it and saw confirmation of some things I had deduced on my own, I felt a renewed sense of self-worth. Once I finished that book, I flipped ahead to the book of Matthew and read Jesus's teachings. I have been slacking on my Bible reading lately, but what I have red has had a profound impact on who I am. It hasn't changed who I am as a person, or if it has, I'm not concious of it, but it has changed the way I look at myself and the way I look at life.

That's something else, the way I look at life. For 24 years, I was the eternal pessimist. Sure, things would be going well now and then, but I would always think to myself, "Yeah, its good, but it's going to be #### when it ends." Sure enough when the good things came to an end, I was in a rut. Well, now I know every good thing eventually has an ending, but for the first time in my life, I look at the positive side of things. I try to find the silver lining and focus on that, I try to keep a positive outlook.

Thats what I've done with the catalyst for my near-suicide, being dumped. Like I said, I still miss her like crazy and would give anything to have her back. We had so much in common, from our love of racing to the music we liked to our warped senses of humor. She was the third-best thing to ever come into my life, behind God and Jesus, but the thing is, for them to come in, she had to go out. That isn't a diss towards her, its just a fact. If she still loved me, I wouldn't have gotten right with God like I have and come to love who I am as a person, because I was too wrapped up in loving her and being happy with being myself because of her. God wanted to get me right and he wanted to get me right now, so he took what was blocking that away from me. Maybe one day, now that I'm getting right, he'll say "Okay, y'all can hook back up."

If that isn't in his plan, though, then I understand it and will live with it and try to find another girl who will love me like I love her. And as much as I miss and long for her, I am content with the change my life has undergone the last three months.

My dad and I talk more than ever. After four years of hating my brother to the point that there were times I would have given anything for murder to be legalized for 45 seconds, he and I have reconciled and are getting on great. I just feel like, as a person, I'm finally coming into my own, finally getting my life on track. What looked so distant in mid-November now feels imminent.

My immediate goals are simple. I want to get to driving, I want to get a job, I want to become an independent man instead of being the 24-year-old kid living with his parents. Believe me, I'll always be a kid at heart, thats just who I am and part of what I love about myself, but I'm ready to grow up. I've still got some fears I've got to get over, but at least now its just fear working against me instead of me working against myself. Fear can be overcome. Overcoming yourself is a lot harder, but I've done it - with God's help.

I also finally know what I want out of life. I want to make people happy and make them smile. I want to use my gifts God gave me when he put me together and made his plan for me to touch folks hearts and give them the same enthusiasm for the little things that I have. And I want to have a gal who I can love as long as I'm alive and share all my enjoyment of life and all my experiences with and who's own dreams I can try to make come true at the same time.

As far as tangibles go, I'm like everyone else. There are earthly, man-made pleasures I want. I have a clear picture of my ultimate goal: I'm arranging the last piece of furniture in my new log home, getting it just the way I want it. Then I look out the window into the driveway at a red Chevrolet Corvette and another full-sized car (also a Chevy) that serves as my family vehicle. Then I fire up the little Lionel train that winds through my living room, sit down in my favorite chair, and say to myself, "Yep, I made it."

To close this out, I'll tell a story of God working with me. This story is 100% true, and its something that I think could convert some non-believers if they read it.

While reading Jesus' teachings in Matthew, I started trying to make peace with the fact that God is in control. Not me, not anybody. At the end of the day, it's God's will that will be done, he's in the driver's seat. I felt like if I just had a reminder of some sort that I could keep with me to keep my mind on that fact, I would be okay, there would be nothing I couldn't handle.

So I asked my mom, who works at Walmart, to see about getting me a cheap braclet I could keep on my wrist. It didn't have to be anything special, I said, it could just be a little wristband. The more I thought about it, the more I thought, "Well, even something I could keep in my pocket will do."

Lo and behold, a few days later, my mom comes home from work. "Remember you asking me to get you a bracelet," she asked. I said "Yeah." "Well I didn't get a bracelet," she continued, fumbling in her pocket. "It wouldn't have to be a bracelet," I replied. "It could just be something I could keep in my pocket." "Oh, something you could keep in your pocket?"

Turns out, one of her customers had come through her line and said something to the effect of "I'd been meaning to give this to you but I never had." "This" was a little green frog, a rubber pencil topper with a rolled up piece of paper stuck in the bottom. When unrolled, the piece of paper says: "F.R.O.G.: Fully Rely On God."

Explain that one, athiests.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sat Apr 30, 2011 12:26 pm

Thank you for posting this! God is good :-)

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:30 pm

Thanks for posting this here as I never could get it on FB and I needed to hear your message today. I've been in a rut lately. Working 12 to 16 hours a day to try to make up for a pay cut, working sick, living in a house we can no longer afford but wondering if we are supposed to have faith and stick it out for a few more years until our son graduates H.S., and now my pay is late from one of the company's I work for and I am just exhausted emotionally. The closest I have come to being depressed in my 49 years. On top of that my house is a mess as I've been working nonstop and have been sick. I read something this morning about God's order and decided I would start with baby steps. Every 30 minutes today I'll take a break from working (yes I work weekends too and am thankful for the work but realize it has a toll on my family) and clean some area of my house. I will also read the Bible for a few minutes several times today and say a Rosary throughout my day (I'm Catholic).

But starting out my day reading your post seemed to be a message from God straight to my heart. I have all the things I need to have everything I want, I just need to recognize them and prioritize. I have a great book called GOD CALLING that is a daily inspirational book and a couple days ago it talked about ceaseless working not being of God. That there is a time for rest and that is when the healing happens. So what did I do after reading that? Initially I felt God was talking to me and then I turned my back on the message and worked 16 hours that day.

I believe the life we have, that we enjoy is directly related to how we perceive it. Some very rich and famous people are very unhappy and some poor and sickly people are extremely happy. We have that power within us to choose the kind of people we will be. I believe it is a God-given gift. We just have to recognize it and embrace it.

I have always told my 2 sons I will think I've been a successful mom if I instill 2 things in my kids...the love of learning and a thankful heart. I don't think you can truly be happy unless you have a thankful heart, unless you appreciate, really, deeply appreciate all your blessings. Even if your blessing is the sound of the birds in the morning or a cool breeze on your face on a hot day or the sounds of children playing outside our window...if you don't appreciate, you're not truly living. When we get "depressed" and I don't mean clinically depressed but sad, lonely, etc., it is likely we're not appreciating life and all our blessings.

Today I will appreciate what I have. I will really see it and feel it and know that I have everything I need to have everything I want. Your writing was inspirational and spoke to my heart today. Thank you. Maybe that is one of your callings. It sure helped me.

And as for the girl you think may be the love of your life, you're right, she may be and if it's God's will she'll come back into your life one day. But your love for her could also be a poison if you let if affect your life negatively. Bundle up your love for her and put it at the feet of the Lord and then walk away knowing it's safe in His hands. It will come back to you if it's His will. That's what you have to trust. I know it's easy for me to say as I've been married to my HS sweetheart for 31 years. But I think God wants us to trust Him wholly. To put it in His hands and have the faith to walk away from it (and not return to it every 5 minutes). God bless you richly and thanks so much for sharing your story. Keep us updated!

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:52 pm

I tell you right know that i feel like killing myself. I don't know if everone knows my my little girl is in the hospital right now,she had surgery on her heart and it is not looking good. I had 3 babies 2 lived i died at birth now maybe this little girl might. I've been praying every time i'm with her. I just hope God answers my prayers.Thanks for letting me share.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:12 pm

Praying for your little girl and you and your entire family. This is indeed one of those heavy times you have to rely on God and put your little girl's life in His hands. I pray for peace and healing and faith for you and her. Stay strong. Killing yourself would accomplish nothing. This is YOUR time to gather all the strength you have for you and for your family. You'll be surprised how strong you are when you rely on God for help.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:35 pm

I read your story, Aaron, and it's inspiring to see someone pull himself out of despair by a change in thinking. I lost my husband to suicide last summer and it's a horrible journey my family is on, but we're making it. God spoke to you at just the right moment and kept you from hurting yourself and so many others. Keep peeling back the layers and learning about yourself--it can be emotionally painful, but it's how growth occurs. You're on the right path to being who God wants you to be. One thing I've learned is that when I'm feeling so empty, I allow God to fill that space. I know I'm still very blessed in spite of my loss, but when I feel like I have nothing else, I know God is always there. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sun May 01, 2011 2:50 am

@Duffy....words fail. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. Sometimes there are just no answers, and it's best to let the questions go. I pray you find the inner strength to hold onto what you need to hold onto while you're going through this awful time.

Re: Fellowship Thread

Sun May 01, 2011 10:42 am

Thank you for the prayers.Really need them. I can't go through anymore deaths. I lost so many people and i just can't take it anymore. I know that it's the way of life but not like this,she is just 2 months old.She deservers to grow up and be happy.
I do trust God to do the right thing.Thats all i can do. Thanks again for the prayers.
Anyone wants to talk in private you can PM me anytime.
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