Thu Mar 31, 2011 1:00 pm
The Tattler - Fontana
Pardon me.... excuse me.... coming thru....
We understand that you're upset... but CONGRATS to Tony and Team for a 13th place finish!
A big "Hello Newman" and CONGRATS to Ryan and Team for a 5th place finish!
Is Ryan 'going green?" Did he tell you how much he likes 'clean air?'
Tony was so mad after the race, he blew off a D. Berggren interview, like Dick was asking for an autograph!
In a new and shocking development.... Danica recently had trouble filming a new Go Daddy commercial. It supposedly took hours to complete and when asked what happened, Danica replied "It's the camera mans fault.... he's filming me too hard!"
Jimmie battled hard all day, but lost the lead and the race when Kevin Harvick tapped him from behind. "He hit me in the rear and I couldn't think straight after that." Jimmie replied, while Chandra gave him the "Are you kidding?" look..... Jimmies expression never changed.....
Well, this week I set out a few beer traps for Herbs and it looks like they worked!
Herbs... pssst... Herbs! Get up off the floor, time to report now....
------------
Thanks Smokie! This is Herbie the half drunk reporter checking in with these top headlines...............................
In response to Kyle Busch's dominance in the Nationwide series, Nascar is considering changing the name of the series back to the Busch series...........
For the second week in a row, Tony Stewart went backwards during the last restart Sunday, finishing out of the top ten. Tony, Tony, Tony, R stands for reverse, not race!...........................................
and finally, in an attempt to end the hex that seems to follow the 2nd place chase finisher, Denny Hamlin has bid on Jimmie Johnson's golden horseshoe, which turned up on eBay this week...............................................
And now, for this weeks Herbie Awards, sponsored by the new Go Daddy girl, Joan Rivers. EEEEEEWWWWW!...........................
The Pabst blue Ribbon Pinballer of the Race: This award goes to Trevor Bayne, who seemed to be pinballing all over the place.......................
The Grey Goose Vodka Harvey Wallbanger of the Race: I'm also giving this award to Trevor Bayne for being the first to hit the wall. You're not in Daytona anymore, Dorothy........................................................
The Blatz Smooth Move Ex-Lax Move of the Race: This one goes out to Kevin Harvick, for pushing JJ into turn 3 on the last lap. That really was a smooth move................................................................................
The Schlitz Drunk Driver of the Race: This award goes to Andy Lally, for his spin midway through the race. Don't drink and drive dude.................
The Pineapple Express Stoner of the Race: I'm giving this award to Bobby "Blunt" Labonte, for his spin and crash towards the end of the race. Just say no Bobby............................................................................
And Finally, The Guinness Garage Gang Member of the Race: There was a garage gang sign spotted during Trackside Friday, and my sources tell me it was Dirt93, so I'm giving this award to her. Congrats Dirt, and way to represent the greatest fan base in racing.........................................
This Herbie the half drunk reporter, passing out................................ ( and hanging on to the floor )
------------
MW's Thoughts From The Deep End
1. If you take "The road less traveled", just hope your car doesn't break down.
2. Herbie, just remember, you're NOT drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
3.When a blonde has "more fun" {Smokie}.....how does she know?
4. Note for everyone....when the flag is at half mast at the Post Office, I guess that means they're hiring??
5. The easiest way to prevent sagging is to eat until the wrinkles fill out.
6. NEVER under ANY circumstance take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
We understand that you're upset... but CONGRATS to Tony and Team for a 13th place finish!
A big "Hello Newman" and CONGRATS to Ryan and Team for a 5th place finish!
Is Ryan 'going green?" Did he tell you how much he likes 'clean air?'
Tony was so mad after the race, he blew off a D. Berggren interview, like Dick was asking for an autograph!
In a new and shocking development.... Danica recently had trouble filming a new Go Daddy commercial. It supposedly took hours to complete and when asked what happened, Danica replied "It's the camera mans fault.... he's filming me too hard!"
Jimmie battled hard all day, but lost the lead and the race when Kevin Harvick tapped him from behind. "He hit me in the rear and I couldn't think straight after that." Jimmie replied, while Chandra gave him the "Are you kidding?" look..... Jimmies expression never changed.....
Well, this week I set out a few beer traps for Herbs and it looks like they worked!
Herbs... pssst... Herbs! Get up off the floor, time to report now....
------------
Thanks Smokie! This is Herbie the half drunk reporter checking in with these top headlines...............................
In response to Kyle Busch's dominance in the Nationwide series, Nascar is considering changing the name of the series back to the Busch series...........
For the second week in a row, Tony Stewart went backwards during the last restart Sunday, finishing out of the top ten. Tony, Tony, Tony, R stands for reverse, not race!...........................................
and finally, in an attempt to end the hex that seems to follow the 2nd place chase finisher, Denny Hamlin has bid on Jimmie Johnson's golden horseshoe, which turned up on eBay this week...............................................
And now, for this weeks Herbie Awards, sponsored by the new Go Daddy girl, Joan Rivers. EEEEEEWWWWW!...........................
The Pabst blue Ribbon Pinballer of the Race: This award goes to Trevor Bayne, who seemed to be pinballing all over the place.......................
The Grey Goose Vodka Harvey Wallbanger of the Race: I'm also giving this award to Trevor Bayne for being the first to hit the wall. You're not in Daytona anymore, Dorothy........................................................
The Blatz Smooth Move Ex-Lax Move of the Race: This one goes out to Kevin Harvick, for pushing JJ into turn 3 on the last lap. That really was a smooth move................................................................................
The Schlitz Drunk Driver of the Race: This award goes to Andy Lally, for his spin midway through the race. Don't drink and drive dude.................
The Pineapple Express Stoner of the Race: I'm giving this award to Bobby "Blunt" Labonte, for his spin and crash towards the end of the race. Just say no Bobby............................................................................
And Finally, The Guinness Garage Gang Member of the Race: There was a garage gang sign spotted during Trackside Friday, and my sources tell me it was Dirt93, so I'm giving this award to her. Congrats Dirt, and way to represent the greatest fan base in racing.........................................
This Herbie the half drunk reporter, passing out................................ ( and hanging on to the floor )
------------
MW's Thoughts From The Deep End
1. If you take "The road less traveled", just hope your car doesn't break down.
2. Herbie, just remember, you're NOT drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
3.When a blonde has "more fun" {Smokie}.....how does she know?
4. Note for everyone....when the flag is at half mast at the Post Office, I guess that means they're hiring??
5. The easiest way to prevent sagging is to eat until the wrinkles fill out.
6. NEVER under ANY circumstance take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!
Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
