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Re: The LOL PLace

Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:16 am

Once I had sent this out to several friends and relatives, many of them replied with...I see this as your brother pulling that stunt. My brother replied to me with that would be me, but this guy needs a larger truck with mud tires...then that would be me.

Re: The LOL PLace

Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:17 am

When someone says to you, "Have a nice day." Reply with a sneer, "I have other plans!"

Re: The LOL PLace

Sun Aug 05, 2012 9:48 am

http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jok ... irgin.html

Re: The LOL PLace

Mon Aug 06, 2012 9:56 am

Maxine asks:

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? :shock:

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? :?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? :shock:

Re: The LOL PLace

Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:42 pm

Things your mother or father might have taught you…

I Owe My Mother....

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
But, there is one missing from this list~~My personal all time favorite!!

My mother taught me about CHOICE.
"Do you want me to stop this car?"

Re: The LOL PLace

Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:27 pm

hahahahaha Beave, brings back a flood of memories :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: The LOL PLace

Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:38 pm

The ones that fit my parents the best were:

My Mother:
1
2
3
4
7
8
12
25

My Father:
7
11
The last one about CHOICE

Re: The LOL PLace

Sat Aug 11, 2012 2:22 pm

Beaver that is rather funny list. I would say all but nine and 13 apply to my mother :P.

Re: The LOL PLace

Thu Aug 23, 2012 9:43 pm

[quote

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."[/color][/quote]

Honest & true I did have clean ones on..... :shock: ..... :lol: :lol: :lol: ... :mrgreen:

Re: The LOL PLace

Mon Aug 27, 2012 11:00 pm

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Re: The LOL PLace

Mon Aug 27, 2012 11:02 pm

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...and caller ID to know when it is the boss...

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Re: The LOL PLace

Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:51 am

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Re: The LOL PLace

Tue Aug 28, 2012 3:37 pm

Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?




He's all-right now!!!!!!

Re: The LOL PLace

Tue Aug 28, 2012 8:33 pm

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Re: The LOL PLace

Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:16 pm

Mrs B wrote:
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So is that what you do to Beaver? :twisted: and :shock:
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