A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
Biker: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
The Biker and the Nun -
A Biker came along a Nun on the side of the road with a flat tire. He stopped and asked if the Nun needed any help. The Nun not being mechanically inclined, accepted his help.
The Biker jacked up the car, but when he got the tire off the ground the jack slipped and the car dropped. $HT!!! shouted the biker. No, replied the Nun, say Bless Me Father.
Grumbling under his breath the biker jacked the car up again, and again the jack slipped. $HT!!! roared the biker. The Nun determined to save his soul kindly reminded him to say, Bless Me Father.
Mumbling, and grumbling the Biker returned to the task at hand, but again the jack slipped dropping the car with a crash. His jaws locked, and his face red with anger, the Biker slowly muttered the words, Bless Me Father.
With that the car slowly raised off the ground. The Nun seeing this miracle turned white as a ghost, and in a quivering voice sad $HT!!!
“Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid.” ~ John Wayne