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The LOL PLace

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Smoke14Wins

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Post Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:04 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

A man named George was hurrying to get ready for a dinner party when Dan ran his doorbell.

"Im just rushing off to a dinner party," said George, "but I'm sure it would be fine if you came along."

So the two went off together. When they arrived at the party, George, who always enjoyed getting people to use their heads, introduced Dan to the other guests with the following rhyme:

"Brothers & sisters have I none, bit this man's father is my father's son."

How were George & Dan related?
=================================================================================
Answer:______________________Dan was George's son.
Last edited by Smoke14Wins on Tue Sep 27, 2011 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
Smoke
"We know that Mother Nature is a woman. If she were a man, there would be no rain on race day."
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Tinker

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Post Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:10 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

A man riding his Harley was riding along on a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
“Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid.” ~ John Wayne
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awsum14

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Post Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:56 am

Re: The LOL PLace

Love it Tinker :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
If at first you don't succeed, don't give up
Try Harder
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Tinker

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Post Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:40 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Speeding?

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

-----

The Biker and the Nun -

A Biker came along a Nun on the side of the road with a flat tire. He stopped and asked if the Nun needed any help. The Nun not being mechanically inclined, accepted his help.

The Biker jacked up the car, but when he got the tire off the ground the jack slipped and the car dropped. $HT!!! shouted the biker. No, replied the Nun, say Bless Me Father.

Grumbling under his breath the biker jacked the car up again, and again the jack slipped. $HT!!! roared the biker. The Nun determined to save his soul kindly reminded him to say, Bless Me Father.

Mumbling, and grumbling the Biker returned to the task at hand, but again the jack slipped dropping the car with a crash. His jaws locked, and his face red with anger, the Biker slowly muttered the words, Bless Me Father.

With that the car slowly raised off the ground. The Nun seeing this miracle turned white as a ghost, and in a quivering voice sad $HT!!!
“Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid.” ~ John Wayne
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Tinker

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Post Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:57 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

WHO SAYS REDNECKS AINT BRIGHT??

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Billy Bob Smith! He’s hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they burst open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Billy Bob and leave.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house:

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, Buddy"
“Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid.” ~ John Wayne
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beaverpond

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Post Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:58 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Obama looked at Michelle, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Michelle shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy". Hearing their exchange, the pilot of plane said to his co-pilot,"Such big-shots back there. I could throw both of them out of the window and make 256 million people very happy.
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beaverpond

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Post Tue Sep 27, 2011 11:00 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride.

"Wow...what a worthy goal." I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me. :mrgreen:
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beaverpond

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Post Tue Sep 27, 2011 11:03 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.

Then she said to the minister, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
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jamo14

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Post Wed Sep 28, 2011 2:23 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Smoke14Wins wrote:A man named George was hurrying to get ready for a dinner party when Dan ran his doorbell.

"Im just rushing off to a dinner party," said George, "but I'm sure it would be fine if you came along."

So the two went off together. When they arrived at the party, George, who always enjoyed getting people to use their heads, introduced Dan to the other guests with the following rhyme:

"Brothers & sisters have I none, bit this man's father is my father's son."

How were George & Dan related?
=================================================================================
Answer:______________________Dan was George's son.


or, Dan is George's nephew
Do something with your life and go get me a beer.

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smokieonefour

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Post Wed Sep 28, 2011 5:23 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Nope, couldn't be a nephew if he states he has no brothers or sisters.

"My fathers son" is George... try it this way - Dan's father, is my fathers son.

I've also seen read / heard this before, only with a photograph or mirror, instead of a party.

Another answer is... "My Father's Son" could also relate to Christians... where everyone is "My Fathers son" ( mankind )

I think what throws some people off, in this version, is Dan ringing the bell. Most grown children won't knock or ring a bell before entering their parents house.
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Sh*t happens... but don't worry, it usually happens to me.
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Smoke14Wins

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Post Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:10 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Smoke14Wins wrote:A man named George was hurrying to get ready for a dinner party when Dan ran his doorbell.

"Im just rushing off to a dinner party," said George, "but I'm sure it would be fine if you came along."

So the two went off together. When they arrived at the party, George, who always enjoyed getting people to use their heads, introduced Dan to the other guests with the following rhyme:

"Brothers & sisters have I none, but this man's father is my father's son."

How were George & Dan related?
=================================================================================
Answer:______________________Dan was George's son.

=================================

I got that out of a bingo magazine & they're known to have the wrong info for stuff at times.

I take it like: me as George & my son as Dan.
I really don't have any brothers or sisters.

"This man's father" (meanin my son's [Dan's] father) "is my father's son" (means Dan's father is the same as my father then).

If my son (Dan) "is my father's son", that makes him (Dan) my brother.

So the riddle isn't correct. I just seen it & posted without really thinking about it.
Smoke
"We know that Mother Nature is a woman. If she were a man, there would be no rain on race day."
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Smoke14Wins

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Post Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:45 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Ok. I understand my riddle now. It is corect, Dan is Geroge's son.

George has no brother or sisters.

Dan's father is George's father's.......... son.

Geroge's father's son is George because George is an only child (brother & sisters have I none).
Smoke
"We know that Mother Nature is a woman. If she were a man, there would be no rain on race day."
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Smoke14Wins

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Post Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:48 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

beaverpond wrote:Obama looked at Michelle, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Michelle shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy". Hearing their exchange, the pilot of plane said to his co-pilot,"Such big-shots back there. I could throw both of them out of the window and make 256 million people very happy.



I like this one :lol:
Smoke
"We know that Mother Nature is a woman. If she were a man, there would be no rain on race day."
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jamo14

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Post Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:54 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

10-4 Wins and smokie.

I misunderstood when he walked in the room, thought he was calling the other people in the room "brothers & sisters" like in church.
Do something with your life and go get me a beer.

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beaverpond

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Post Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: The LOL PLace

Why men should not write advice columns...

Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off to work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with our neighbor’s daughter.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and our neighbor’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and said they had been having an affair for the past 6 months. He won’t go to counseling, and I am afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

Dear Shelia,
A Car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps.

John
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